Kocur.net Blog

Drew and I took another opportunity to visit another church today. Last week there was no church as I was out of town on a much needed girl weekend (pictures and post to come). We talked about where we wanted to go, knowing that this might be our last week of “freedom” as far as church exploration goes. I tossed out E3, the local church that recently bought out the coffee shop that I was employed at. It was a church I had heard about for a few years and never had the chance to check out. Plus, now that they were running “my” coffee shop, I was curious to see more of their ministry. Drew had been once a couple years ago and hadn’t been so impressed, but thought we could give it a try.

Since the church is quite close to our house (like less than five minutes away) we didn’t rush through our morning. We lazily got up, had breakfast and read the paper, until we realized we needed to get moving. We ended up walking in two minutes late. That turned out to be not a bad thing, as we weren’t accosted by the welcoming committee. I stood in line at the coffee bar, where I got a free hazelnut latte. Any church that hands out free specialty drinks gets bonus points right away.

I wandered into the sanctuary, where Drew had gone to scope out seats for us. I wound my way through the maze of cafe tables and found him sitting in the back near the sound desk, in the theater style seats. Lights were dimmed and the band had just finished the opening number and announcements were being given. I sipped my latte, thinking to myself that I could make better foam. Then I reminded myself it was free and told myself to shut up.

Announcements done, the worship leader gave a typical worship leader intro, and then they were off. Guitars blared and the former restaurant turned sanctuary was filled with sound. They started off with a familiar song, and I found myself actually getting into it. The first thing I noticed was that the band was good. Really good. Full, tight sound, cool guitar parts, good vocals (only two vocalists), and I noticed later that there were no music stands in front of them. Impressive. Internalized rather than depending on the crutch of chords. Wish I could do that.

I was wondering if it was just me enjoying the sound of the band, as Drew can tend to be a bit more critical in the sound aspect, being a sound tech. I notice out of tune vocals, he notices the reverb and all that other tech stuff. Then he leaned over and said, “The band sounds really good!” Guess it wasn’t just me.

Halfway through one of the songs, the lights started; flashing blue and white. My initial reaction was, “Cool…” and then I started feeling a little turned off by it, thinking that the worship was becoming too showy. Then the internal debate raged inside me. Showy, flashy worship turns me off; yet I’m a firm believer in using all your senses to worship. Churches try to be so “trendy” somedays, and I feel like they need to focus more on being the church; and yet I believe strongly in meeting people where they are. It’s like I tugged back and forth internally all during the worship set. It took me back to the time when I thought Christian music was the coolest thing and I would go to Christian concerts and totally lose myself in the music. Then I snapped back and thought about how cheeseball some of it can be. It reminded me of how much I love to sing and how much I miss using my voice in worship. I started to tear up a bit because that passion of singing started to feel real again. And then I watched and listened to the guitar parts and realized how sucky I am at that and how much harder I should work at it. All that, and I even worshiped a bit too. The songs were good and the words were convicting.

I was pleasantly surprised at the sermon. It was entitled, “When Things Don’t Go to Plan.” The pastor was supposed to have gone to Benin, Africa that week and the trip got postponed. He talked about how sometimes things don’t work out quite as we envision them and tied in Acts 16:16-40. He talked of how Paul and Silas didn’t anticipate being arrested, stripped, beaten and put in the stocks. How it wasn’t in their plan and how much it would have sucked. Yet they went with it and in the end, God did something miraculous. Familiar story, but refreshing to take another look at it. He went through the entire passage and talked about it and related it to our lives. It was well delivered. Throughout the message, I was thinking about my plans to be working in Africa now, and how that didn’t pan out. How God gave me marriage instead.

I walked out refreshed and challenged. I feel like that’s how we’re supposed to walk out of church.

I love that God is always faithful, even when we are not. I feel like I’ve been a whiny child lately, pouting if I don’t get my own way. Drew and I have been exploring other worship services, experiencing some different services. Although I feel some of my complaints are valid, some days I just need to get over it. There is no perfect service for me. There will be some things I don’t like and I simply need to deal with that.

This past Sunday was Easter, and Drew and I struggled with where we should go. We toyed with the idea of going to Bethel A&E, but Drew decided I didn’t have the right hat. And although the worship would have been fun, we decided it might have been too showy for us right now. I was struggling in particular with the fact that I feel a bit “homeless” right now as far as church goes. We thought about going to a service that was going to be held at a nightclub (another church’s attempt to reach out to a younger crowd… and successfully. They apparently had over 1000 people.) However, it was an evening service and we decided that after lunch and a long day, we’d just want to go home and relax. So we opted for a morning service, and ended up at Killearn, the church that we used to attend (the mother church for Good Samaritan) and the church that we got married in. We had attended a couple services there in the past couple months, and quite honestly, they hadn’t been my favorites. We went to Spirit and Truth, a service where Drew used to do sound and where I led worship for a time. It’s a pretty special service for both of us, so we were excited to return. However, we found that they had switched the order of things and were disappointed to see that communion was being served in the middle of the service and seemed very rushed. One time we didn’t even take communion because we weren’t “feeling” it. Like I’ve said before, we don’t mess around with communion. I need to be in the right place before I take the body and blood of Christ.

Anyway, we decided to give it another shot. This week was much better than previous visits. The flow seemed more natural, and communion was taken at the end of the service, and didn’t seem rushed. I was relieved to not be totally turned off by the service. I guess God is working on my heart.

Another interesting part was that we served communion. We walked in and saw a friend of ours who asked if we’d serve communion. I was hesitant, knowing my struggles as of late, and wondering if it was a good idea. Drew thought for a second and said, “That’d be alright,” and looked at me to make sure I was on board. Following his lead as the spiritual leader, I agreed as well. When communion started, I was feeling a bit of the frustrations that have become normal in church, so I offered that up to God, like I’ve begun to do. There is definite peace in that. Then our pastor made the invitation to come and receive communion, and then made a statement that I needed. He said something to the effect of, “Even if you don’t feel like it, come and worship.” So I did. And God was faithful to meet us there. There was great peace in taking communion, and then offering it to the rest of the congregation. I love serving communion with my husband, because I know he takes it so seriously. It takes me back to our wedding day, and serving all the guests at our wedding. It’s the coolest thing to offer the body of Christ to these people, and to whisper those words, “The body of Christ, broken for you.” It’s a sweet thing. After the service, we even had someone come to us and say, “I’m so glad we got to receive communion from you. That was special.” That meant a lot.

So even though I feel a little homeless some days and Holy week didn’t feel much like Holy week, God was still faithful and met us on Easter morning. I don’t know why I’m surprised.

So last Sunday, Drew and I attended yet another church. This one is a church that is attended by a dear friend of mine. I had heard raving reviews from her, and also from one of my (ex) customers at Redeye. I found out that my customer (Colin) was preaching this particular Sunday, so I told Drew I wanted to go.

So we did. We almost drove right by Kingsway Christian Church, as it’s small and easy to miss.  As we walked into the small sanctuary, I was almost immediately greeted by my friend Courtney. She ran back and enveloped me in a big hug. Always a good way to walk into church! She hugged Drew as well, and then Colin came around the corner and greeted us both.

After those greetings, we were of course accosted by the rest of the congregation. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I’m finding that as a newcomer, it often feels like that.  Like I’ve already talked about in a previous post, I appreciate the warm welcome, but please don’t pressure me into joining your church yet. Just let me worship with you. Drew whispered to me as we ducked into the back pew, “We need name tags that say, ‘Give me a bulletin and leave me alone.’ ”

After we got through the overzealous welcomes and the several apologies for how small the congregation was because of Spring Break (I don’t care how many people are filling your pews. I’m not here to judge you by your numbers.), worship began. Courtney and Colin were the only two leading worship. Courtney on keyboards and harmony (with a special solo on one song) and Colin on guitar and lead vocals. Their power point man was not with them, so there was simply no power point. Period. No words to the songs. They picked easy songs that people would know so they could worship easily. My first reaction was, “Great, how well is this going to go over?” Then they started with Sanctuary, a song that is pretty special to me. Okay, good way to start.

The rest of the songs were good too. I knew all of them (Drew didn’t, and was struggling to try to figure the words out to some as we went) and found it refreshing to not be focused on the words on the screen. I wasn’t so worried about what words were coming next. I just relaxed and worshipped. It was refreshing. And with only two of them leading worship, it was simple. I liked that.

Communion came rather abruptly, with no intro and no indication of how to take it. It was delivered to us in the pews, and Drew and I looked around, wondering how they were going to take it. Did they take it together? Was it a take as you feel led kind of deal? As the new people, you don’t want to do things the wrong way. You wait for instructions. And they never came. I was tempted at first to not take it, as I was somewhat struggling with the worship and the other church crap that often creeps up during services. However, Drew took his wafer and little juice cup, and I thought to myself, “If I need to hold these until the end of the service until I feel ready to take this, I will.” So I took it, and clutching my wafer, prayed the best prayer I could. I was shedding a few tears, mainly out of frustration at the feelings that I can’t seem to feel anymore in worship: peace, warm fuzzies, contentment, conviction. So I simply offered that to God. I asked God to take the frustration, cause it felt like it was all I had to offer. And in that, there was some peace. I opened my eyes, and Drew whispered to me, “The body of Christ, broken for you.” Then, “The blood of Christ, shed for you.” And we had our own special communion service as husband and wife, in the back pew of this little church.

So the service went on. Colin stood up to preach. He spoke for about 40 minutes, and both Drew and I were focused the whole time. It was one of those sermons where you look at your watch and think, “Wow! How did 40 minutes pass so fast?” I was especially encouraged at the fact that he TAUGHT from the Bible rather than PREACH at us. I feel that so many sermons I’ve heard lately have some short Bible verse or verses that the sermon is loosely based around, and they talk for 20 or 30 minutes with some somewhat inspiring message and that’s the end. I often leave feeling a lot of disconnect. Colin didn’t do that. He had us open our Bibles (which made me wish I had brought my own) to Numbers to the story of Balaam and his donkey. He spoke about the choices we make in life, and challenged us to make the right choices, the choices that God would have us make. Balaam made some pretty poor choices. Then he used his “weak hinge” and tied it into the story of Jesus riding the donkey into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. He spoke of how Jesus had choices and didn’t need to go through what He did. I was engaged the whole time. I loved being able to read through the Bible and learn from it and be able to relate it to my life.

We walked out that morning feeling refreshed and fulfilled. It was so encouraging to be able to focus during an entire sermon and not drift all over the place. Drew made a comment that it was probably the best service we’ve been to yet. I had to agree.