There are lots of interesting moments in marriage. Like nervously awaiting the two minutes in the bathroom staring down at a pee-drenched stick.

So, yeah… before anyone freaks and starts spreading rumors, it was negative. And Aunt Flo has since shown up in all her glory to reinforce that answer. I’ve never been so happy to be so crampy.

As I’ve commented before, Drew and I are just not ready for kids. Before my cycle started, while I was nervously wondering what was going on with my body, I tried to psych myself up about all the good things about being pregnant and having a baby.

• Cute little baby to snuggle.
• A hundred hand-knit baby blankets from my residents and lots of doting on from everyone around me.
• Something to nurture and love.
• Cute little clothes.

I kept reminding myself about all the good things that would come with it and reaffirmed to myself that I will make a damn good mom. I did this in effort to not make myself think about all the not so good things.

• Feeling financially crunched.
• Not being able to stay home with the baby because we need more money, yet barely making enough at my job to justify daycare.
• Sleep deprivation. Ugh.
• Giving up my music room.

I did pretty well about psyching myself up, until Drew and I sat down and talked. We came to the same conclusion: we are NOT ready. We realized that financially, it would be a huge strain. After some more saving up, we’ll be in a better place. And although we love our house, it’s not the house we’d like to raise kids in. Quite frankly, we’d rather bring a baby into the world joyfully, not begrudgingly or resentfully. We were ready to take whatever came our way,  but were greatly relieved at the negative result.

After waiting a week for my cycle to start with no avail, we began to get pretty nervous. We finally bit the bullet and went to buy a pregnancy test. I was relieved that we didn’t run into 800 people we knew while standing in the “family planning” aisle, puzzling over boxes of digital sticks. (By the way, I LOVE how the tests are located directly under the condoms and lube. Brilliant.) We ended up buying the one on the discount rack. (It wasn’t expired and it was CHEAP!)

When purchasing said item, I refused to make eye contact with Mr. Cashier Man (just like when I buy lingerie). I tried to act totally natural, like I do this all the time. But who the heck would do this all the time? (Turns out I should have paid closer attention, because my discount test didn’t ring up as such. I didn’t realize it until after I’d thrown out the test. But Publix was wonderful and not only refunded the extra money I’d paid, but the entire purchase price. So my discount pregnancy test turned into FREE pregnancy test!)

When we got home, I opened the box and read through all the instructions, having never taken one of these before. I didn’t want to screw it up. Drew came up behind me and looked over my shoulder.

“You pee on it.”

Of course, this was after he offered to take the test for me.

So I peed on it, and then we both stood wringing our hands, waiting those REEEEEALLLLY LOOOOONG two minutes.

Not pregnant. (We bought the idiot proofed kind.)

Phew.

To be sure, I took the other test the next morning, and that also came back negative. And the day after that, Aunt Flo arrived. Double Phew.

So now we’ll go back to plan A. No kids for at least another year.