New creative outlets

Written by jamie on May 8th, 2011

This weekend, in between lying around like a worthless lump and working, I decided I wanted a creative outlet. I didn’t have the energy to pull out all my scrap booking, or to make another attempt at magnetic poetry. Honestly, I really didn’t have energy for much of anything. I wanted something simple that I could sit in one place and do and not use massive amounts of brain power.

I decided I wanted to color.

I bought a box of Crayola crayons about a year back, along with a sketch pad. I’ve used to doodle a bit, but honestly, I’m not much of a blank slate kind of person when it comes to drawing. Unless it’s simple lines and shapes, I can’t do much. I had wanted to get a coloring book to go with the crayons, but couldn’t find any at Target. I had been meaning to get to Dollar Tree and get some, but that didn’t help me when I was sitting at home, feeling under the weather.

So… Google to the rescue! I googled “coloring pages” and didn’t find anything inspiring. I wanted more than Power Rangers or Care Bears. Although I knew I was taking a chance, I googled “adult coloring pages.” Luckily, nothing risque popped up, and I found a great website that had some more detailed coloring pages.

Disney princess?

Kitty contemplating suicide

I printed off several, and gathering together my crayons and a lap desk, I sat outside in the sunshine while I colored. When I got too hot, I took my coloring party back inside and put a movie on while I finished.

It brought me back to the time on tour with the African Children’s Choir when I sat down with my kids at a host family. The family had spread out a variety of coloring books, crayons and markers for the kids. Instead of just watching them, I picked up a crayon, opened to a fun page, and began to color.

One of my girls looked up and said with an element of surprise in her voice;

“Auntie! You know to color!”

As if her auntie was not capable of fun things and only did boring, adult things. (Of course, my children were also awe inspired when they saw me behind the wheel of a car. I think they only thought I knew how to ride a bus and not actually operate a vehicle.) I informed my child that I had done lots of coloring in my life. As my picture progressed, she said with awe, “Auntie, you are good!”

I got so into the coloring that when the host auntie announced it was time for dinner, I didn’t move. Then I remembered that I was the responsible adult here and I really needed to set the good example. After all, when I called my children to come for a meal, I expected them to move immediately. I reluctantly set down my crayons and scooted my girls off to wash hands.

Coloring has great therapeutic benefits. As I sat in the sun yesterday, I could feel a bit of the stress melt away from me. It felt good to carefully choose each color and then watch the picture come to life with each new layer of color added. When Drew saw my finished product, he told me, “You’re good at coloring! I’m not so good. I always get bored.” I dunno. It holds my attention.

I think I’ll be doing this more often.

 

Tired of being tired

Written by jamie on May 7th, 2011

My ear issue is not actually an ear issue. It’s a Eustachian tube issue. So glad that’s been cleared up.

Problem is, it’s still a problem. I went to the doctor yesterday, and she checked my ears, nose, throat and all that good stuff. My ears look fine, but I guess my sinuses are clogged a bit. I now have another antibiotic; this one apparently stronger than the first. (More warning labels on this one… yay.) I also had a sinus x-ray done, to make sure there are no other issues going on.

I think this is a problem that will clear up with time, but my doctor was understanding that after a month of this, I’m pretty much done. She’s trying to do all she can to get me feeling better. She said we’re going to pray that this antibiotic does the trick. I know I’m certainly praying.

I’m just tired of feeling tired all the time. Having a head full of sinus fluid really wears you out. I use every ounce of energy during my work week and by the time the weekend rolls around, I’m worthless. After a good night’s sleep, I woke up this morning feeling like I was completely unrested. Drew and I were supposed to go to a barbecue this afternoon, but I am opting out of it. The thought of socializing with lots of people is just too much for me today. Plus, I have to work tomorrow, so I really need some time to rest today.

This whole thing is getting really annoying. I’m tired of sitting still and resting. I haven’t been able to do yoga in over a month because turning my head upside down makes it feel like it might explode. I feel stiff, sore, and grumpy.

I’m trying to keep a positive attitude about all this. The pitiful me inside is just whining and whimpering about another weekend wasted because I’m too tired to do anything fun. I have to remind myself that I am lucky. This is not a debilitating disease that has me bedridden. I have a doctor that is working to help me feel better. I have insurance that helps to pay for these expensive visits and prescriptions. And honestly, it’s a chance to feel more sympathy for those with chronic illness. I don’t know how I’d deal with this if it were an ongoing issue that might not get resolved.

Thanks for letting me rant.

 

Fireflies in the night

Written by jamie on May 4th, 2011

On Sunday night, Drew and I were reading, unwinding, and getting ready for bed. We read our devotional together, turned off the lights, kissed goodnight, and snuggled under the covers.

As I was relishing in the squishiness of the memory foam, Drew said:

“What’s that blinky light?”

It’s probably the cable box or the smoke detector, I thought to myself. But as I looked up, I saw a new blinky light. It looked like a green LED light, and it was above our TV. And it was moving.

I burst out laughing. “I think it’s a lightning bug!”

Drew switched the bedside lamp on, and sure enough, a confused, lost little firefly was flittering around toward the ceiling. We looked at each other and burst out laughing. We wondered over how it got inside. Then he turned the light off and snuggled back into bed.

“You’re going to leave him?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Drew responded. “They’re harmless.”

Sure, I thought. “Let’s see if you think that when it’s flying in your face at 3 a.m.”

He laughed. We looked up at the ceiling, watching our newfound friend. Then he started getting crazy. The blinky LED light started flying all over the room, sporadic and berserk; desperate for a way out.

“Um…” I started to say…

“Yeah, that thing’s going to hit the fan.” Drew turned the light back on and we watched the helpless thing flail about. My manly bug killing husband set about the task of catching it, but not before he got a little video footage of it. I’m sure that will emerge on Facebook soon. Instead of killing it, Drew caught it in his cupped hands and I opened the sliding glass door so he could set it free.

“Funny,” I pondered. “Just because the thing’s butt lights up, we show mercy.” Normally we’re racing about the room after a bug, thwacking a shoe against the wall, screaming, “DIE SUCKER, DIE!!!”

Crisis averted, we settled back into bed and laughed about the situation. I told Drew that it was little things like this that made me love marriage. Those crazy stories that we share together. I told him when we’re 80, we’ll be recalling the night of the firefly.

 

Church

Written by jamie on May 3rd, 2011

College me was an overly religious, let me share Jesus with you before you go to hell kind of Christian. Today me is a cautious, please keep your church cliches to yourself kind of Christian. I’m not sure where the change happened, but at some point I began to be a little disillusioned with church.

I still love Jesus, and I continue to strive to serve Him as best I can. I would love to share Him with you, but only if you ask. I probably won’t invite you to church, because I don’t always want to be there myself.

I’ve been trudging through a spiritual low point lately. The energy and passion I used to have for all things Christian has waned away. Some days it worries me, as things that used to greatly impact me and cause tears to prick my eyes now only induce eye rolling. I long for realness and authenticity, not half hearted attempts at spirituality. Sometimes I’m made to feel guilty. How could I not be impacted by that? There must be something wrong with me.

I have written about him before, and I’d like to write about him again. I am proud to say that I personally know the founder of Clothe Your Neighbor as Yourself. Not in a best bud kind of way, but in a I get a big bear hug from him every time I see him kind. He spoke at my church recently, and I was floored, as I knew I would be. James seeks Jesus the way I want to, wholeheartedly and holding nothing back. He serves a real Jesus, not the overly cheesed version that is pleading you with His eyes to accept Him all while holding out his nail scarred hands towards you. He serves the real down in the dirt, hard core, challenge the status quo Jesus. The Jesus that wants you to follow Him, but doesn’t need you.

I wrote a post yesterday about feeling dead and going through the motions of life. I am seeking out things that stir my passion again, that make me feel alive. One of my long-time passions has always been and probably always will be missions. I have a heart for hurting, starving people. I want to help them. I just watched a short “film” on James blog, and he challenges us to get down on the floor with the poor as Jesus did. The familiar tear prick at the back of my eyes surprised me. Maybe I’m not as dead as I thought I was.

I believe that God has more in store for me as far as missions go. I believe the desire He placed in my heart for all things missions will not be going away. I also believe there is a reason for this spiritual low point. I’m trying to learn as much as I can while I’m down here. It is difficult when I feel that God is being silent. I so need to hear from Him, but sometimes His silence is all the words we need.

And thanks, James, for being real and showing me that I can be real without sacrificing faith.