I do not like confrontation. I don’t think anyone really does. If someone thrives on the uncomfortable sensation of being in someone’s presence who doesn’t see eye to eye, then they’re just sick.
I am the type that will most often run from confrontation. Running the other way, I hope that the awkward situation will magically sort itself out. More often than not, it doesn’t. What a surprise.
This week, I’ve tried a different, more healthy approach. I’ve tackled the confrontation and dealt with it. In three different situations. I am confrontation-ed out.
Not all the situations were awkward, uncomfortable ones that left me fidgeting in my chair. Two were just conversations that needed to happen, to get communication flowing. And they went very well. I was proud of myself. I spoke up and said what I needed to say, rather than just smiling and nodding and keeping my mouth shut to keep the peace. Go me.
The third one was definitely more uncomfortable. In this one, I confronted someone that has verbally abused me for too long. I have been beaten down by this person, and my frustration finally bubbled above the surface. I blew up (in the calmest way possible) and before I knew it, words came out of my mouth that surprised me. This person found the words to be slightly offensive, but I believed there to be truth in the words, and I did not apologize. There was a slightly heated confrontation (“discussion” according to this person, but more like “argument” in my eyes) and we both left ticked off. But I felt good that I had stood up for myself and had attempted to handle a situation that I was feeling like was hopeless.
What happened the next day surprised me.
This person approached me again, and I could feel my heart beat quicken. The thought of revisiting this tense situation almost made me sick. There was a bit of an argument, and then before I knew it, this person that has beaten me down apologized. I was floored. We reached as close to a conclusion as we could, and both left mostly smiling. Time will tell if the situation is fixed, but at least I stuck up for myself and confronted it head on.
I still think I’ve hit my confrontation quota this week.
Good for you Jaim! I’m proud of you. Glad you cleared the air AND got some resolution (bonus!).
Good job on standing up for yourself – and it working out as well as can be! I’m horrible about being confrontational only with those I love/am comfortable with and not with those I should be (instead it gets taken out on those I love/am comfortable with). Gotta fix that! Congrats to you!
yeah, confrontation is hard for me, too. As I have aged (uh, difficult to confront that word, too!) I have found that in the end, avoiding the confrontation makes things worse. This is especially true for church-related problems. Bravo to you for having the argument/discussion.