I have neglected this blog. I’m so sorry to my faithful readers, which is like… 2 people.
Life has consumed me. I will try to be diligent about posting here a little more often.
Jamie’s Thoughts
I have neglected this blog. I’m so sorry to my faithful readers, which is like… 2 people.
Life has consumed me. I will try to be diligent about posting here a little more often.
I am not in the greatest of places right now. And I want to complain about it.
My ear continues to be clogged. Some days it feels a little better, but most days I’m aware of what feels like constant fluid in my ear.
I’m trying to go dairy free to see if this thing might be a food allergy. Some days I think it’s helping. Other days I really want a fricking piece of cheese. But at least the coconut creamer for my coffee is good.
Because of my ear, anytime I try to put my head upside down, it feels like my brain’s going to pop out of my head, and then my ear is way worse the rest of the day. Which means glorious yoga poses like this
or this
are darn near impossible. Anytime I attempt yoga, I just feel worse. And anytime I don’t do yoga, my body just feels stiff and sore. It’s a lose-lose situation.
Since I can’t do yoga, I’ve about given up on exercise. The only exercise I’ve had energy to pursue is walks. I’m trying my best to keep up with those.
Since I’m not exercising and always feel stiff, I’m not sleeping great and I can’t seem to drag my butt out of bed early. I’m always feeling lethargic.
My job continues to stress me out. I’m tired of trying to keep senior citizens happy.
But in the midst of all that, there is some good in my life.
My marriage continues to be wonderful. I am so thankful to be married to such an awesome guy. He takes good care of me.
I’m continuing to write “books” and write songs. Here’s my youtube channel for those interested. (I have three subscribers!! WOO HOO!) I have two more songs that need to be recorded as well. One is completely written and the other is almost done.
My bird feeder and bird bath are a hot spot lately. I’ve enjoyed sitting on my front porch in this beautiful spring weather we’re actually having and watch them fight over the food.
Thanks for letting me rant.
I have wanted to carry the title of singer/songwriter for so long that I don’t think it’s sunk in that I’m actually becoming one now.
I made a goal at the beginning of the year to write at least three songs and record one. I now have three songs written. I have three video recordings of them, and a youtube channel to put them out there.
Part of me can’t believe that I actually have songs, MY songs, written, sung, and put out there to be seen and heard.
It’s scary, overwhelming, exciting, and mind numbing.
I’m having to fight through the lie every time I finish a song that it’s the last one I’ll ever write. Like I’ve used up all the creative energy inside me and I’m all done. I feel I’ve only just started and I hope to continue to chip away at the creative songwriting that lies within.
Here’s one of my three songs. If you feel so inclined, subscribe to my youtube channel.
This is Me
I don’t think I have
The energy for this today
This dream living takes more
Than I thought it would take
Trying to give it my all
And put it all out there
Is a scary thing
The soul is a hard thing to bare
(chorus)
But here I am
And here’s my best
Right here for all to see
Here’s my passion
Here’s my heart
Wide open
This is me
I know that you could
Slam me for sharing all of this
Tell me I’m stupid
For thinking any of it
But there’s a chance
That if I show
You’ll be blessed
If I don’t try we’ll never know
(chorus)
It would be easier to hide
Leave all of this inside
But it would just eat away at me
Make it hard to breathe
(chorus)
I have been super focused on some goals lately. I keep posting about Quitter the book and Quitter the conference and how much of an impact each has had on my life. I am in a point in my life where I am unhappy professionally and I am trying to make steps toward fixing that.
Some days I feel so hyper focused on this ultimate goal of “getting out” of this situation I’m in that the act of pursuing drains me. Sometimes I stop and think, “Why am I doing this again?”
I’m glad that part of the Quitter Conference this past time was reminding us that the ultimate goal of pursuing our dreams is not to escape. I needed that reminder. Some days that’s all my mind focuses on. I need to write more pages or come up with some brilliant song idea so I can get out of this job that drains me so much.
I need to remember why pursuing dreams is important.
It gives you something to look forward to in your day. I hesitate to say it gives you something to live for, because I know I have other things to live for; my faith, my marriage. Somedays it does feel like something to live for. It fuels the rest of my day.
I’ve found that the melody I write is running through my head all day as I go through the motions at work. The blog post that I wrote this week that really connected with someone makes me smile.
Those are the things that make it worthwhile. The joy it brings to me. Not the fact that it just might, if all the right things fall into place, save me from my current situation.
This is what I will try to focus on when I want to just stay in bed and get an extra hour of sleep. This is what I will remind myself of when I feel I’m fighting exhaustion constantly and this damn ear thing refuses to clear up.
Spending time doing things that matter to me brings life to my life.