Kocur.net Blog

I had a chance to see my youngest nephew perform at church recently. Their church was having their annual “Hanging of the Greens” service, in which they allow the congregation to partake in the decorating of the sanctuary. Different choirs and musicians had a chance to perform, including the three and four year old choirs. (I have immense respect for teachers and directors of preschool choirs. I tried it once, and never again.)

My cute little nephew took the stage in all his white robed glory. With a big grin on his face and the restless wiggles that ravage the body of a four year old, he waved out at Mom, Dad, and big brother, who was surely making faces, trying to distract his intense (riiiiight) concentration. If he was nervous, he made no show of it, and sang along to almost all of the words, mumbling along to those he had forgotten. His music degreed Aunt was so proud.

His debut song that evening was Away in a Manger, the first song I ever remember performing in front of an audience. I think I was about his age, and I remember being wrapped in a robe with a little red scarf type thing around my neck. I was surrounded by a group of peers, other wiggly children who could also barely comprehend what we were doing. I don’t remember any nerves, which is odd, as I was an extremely shy child. I suppose being buried amidst all the other preschoolers helped shelter my developing self confidence. I can’t remember if we did any extra songs. All I remember is marching up to the front of the church, being shuffled into place, and singing an off key version of Away in a Manger. It stuck with me, because to this day whenever I hear the song, I still think of that moment.

I don’t remember the moment having any intense impact on me at the time. We sang, received our obligatory applause (and I’m sure more than a few “Awwwww”s), moved off stage, and I went on with my self absorbed, pre-school life. However, years later, looking back on this with a Church Music degree under my belt, I realize it must have stuck with me somehow.

I remember sharing this story briefly with a crowd of people during a banquet to honor volunteers. Specifically, the volunteers that worked with children. I was working with our children’s choir at the time, and had several dedicated volunteers. I was asked to share how volunteers had blessed me. I remembered my dramatic Away in a Manger performance debut, and it occurred to me for the first time how influential this moment was on my life. I shared how without those volunteers that helped put that performance together, I might not be standing before them that day as the musician that I had become.

As I’ve continued to think back on this moment, it’s also occurred to me how this was my first moment of worship through song. Before my little brain could even wrap itself around worship, I was using my quiet, timid, little girl voice to lift up sweet baby Jesus. That little four year old had no idea that I might be doing it as a worship leader someday.