I have a confession to make. I think I’m a little weird. Sometimes I do things and think, “If anyone knew I was doing this, they’d think I’m a total freak.” But I’ve seen often that people will confess to some weird behavior, and I think, “Hey, I do that too…” Suddenly it’s not so weird anymore. Maybe this will be one of those times. Or maybe you’ll just think I’m weird.

I took a walk this morning and was enjoying the somewhat cool-ish although still humid air (as cool as you can get in July in Tally) and the heart pumping and energy starting to flow through me. My mind started to wander, as it often does. I thought of a friend that I haven’t seen in awhile, and began to think about how I’d love to get together with her, have coffee, and catch up. And I began to do the weird thing in my head. I went and had imaginary coffee with her. I had a whole conversation with her. Well, at least my part. She didn’t get to talk a lot.

I do this a lot when I walk. And I wonder… does this count as prayer? (Bear with me a minute.) When I have my imaginary conversations, my brain just starts thinking through issues in my life, and it all just flows out. Sometimes I catch myself, and sheepishly remind myself that I should use this time to pray instead. I mean, if I’m going to have a conversation in my head, it might as well be with God, right?

When I do try to focus my brain and pray instead of sipping imaginary coffee with a friend who’s not really there, it halts that stream of consciousness that my thoughts take. I’m trying to think and focus too much, and suddenly there’s nothing coming. All of a sudden it’s, “Uh, hi, God. Want cream with that?” The thoughts subside, and I can’t think of what to pray.

It sounds terrible as I type it. Why can’t I have a good quality conversation with the God that I love so dearly and I know loves me dearly in return? But I don’t think it has anything to do with the amount of love I feel for Him. I think it has to do with the fact that I try to think and channel my thoughts, rather than just let them come. When I let my brain relax with my imaginary coffee date, the thoughts flow and flow. And if there’s no pressure of structuring them, they just tumble out, and I’m able to process through so much better.

So can I count this as prayer? I mean, it’s not like God’s not hearing me. Perhaps I need to extend an invite to God to pull up a chair at these coffee dates. I bet pretty soon I’ll forget all about the imaginary friend sipping their latte and soon it’ll just be God and I.

So thanks to all of you for the coffee dates, even if you didn’t have a clue about them.