I’ve got two weeks as worship leader under my belt. I’ve had a few observations.

1. It’s kinda scary up there. I’m way out of practice. I’ve sung and performed a few times in the past few years, but overall, it’s been awhile. Standing in the spotlight with all eyes on you is intimidating for the shy little girl that still lives inside me.

2. It’s way out of my comfort zone. The whole “leader” part of it is what I don’t like. I could stand up there and sing and even play guitar and be alright. It’s the fact that I’m the one that the band is watching for cues and the congregation is looking toward for guidance. I don’t like that. If something goes wrong, it’s on my head. Yikes.

3. It’s kind of uncomfortable when there are voids of silence here and there. Everyone’s staring, waiting, while the acoustic guitar player is shuffling music and trying to locate his pick. There’s a temptation to fill those voids with something profound and spiritual. But that’s not my style. I prefer to simply sing and let the congregation worship in their own way.

4. Sound check is stressful!!! Those last ten to fifteen minutes before we start the service make me want to tear my hair out. Trying to get everything together and working right is a little more than I can take. I like smooth and easy, and sound check never is.

5. As worship leader, it’s my job to help usher all those present into the presence of God. No pressure. Sometimes, this makes me feel as if I should have it all together spiritually, because if I don’t, what business is it of mine to stand up there and lead worship? Luckily, this is not God’s expectations. He takes my clumsy words and simple melodies and uses them somehow. I confided to a dear friend how ill-equipped I felt for this job. Her response? “Honestly, I’d rather be led in worship by someone humble and aware of their shortcomings than someone overly confident and too animated.” I suppose I would too.

6. In addition to the spotlight, there’s a lot of work that has to be done “behind the scenes.” Picking music, juggling schedules, and leading rehearsal. Trying to choose a good set list is harder than I remember. Need upbeat songs, as well as introspective worship songs… can we do that song with the musicians we have this week… there’s a long thought process that has to be done before I can send out that final list.

7. The talented band of musicians I work with looks to me for guidance. One of those things is praying before rehearsals and before services. I used to be pretty comfortable praying in a group, but now not so much. I feel rusty at prayer, which really makes me sad. It reminds me that my relationship with God is not as close and cozy as it once was.

This is a work in process, and I know I will continue to grow into this role. Thankfully I have a week off so I can breathe for a little while… phew.