This dream pursuing thing gets hard.

As I knew would happen, the Quitter Conference high is wearing off. I just didn’t think it would happen so quickly. Monday hit and the blahs were back. I found myself shaking off some weird dream that left me feeling icky and disoriented. Coffee helped, but I was still in a fog.

I threw on my favorite pair of sweats and the Quitter t-shirt. I was desperate for any little ounce of energy that might still be clinging to it. I googled “Quitter Conference” to see if there was any follow-up from people that had also attended. I was desperate for contact with a fellow Quitter, hoping to find that I wasn’t the only one that was already feeling hopeless. All that came up was outdated information about the conference. There was talk of forming some kind of online post conference forum, but I haven’t found it yet. I can hear the crickets echo through the internet.

So begins the hard task of pushing through and doing even when I don’t feel like it.

The thing that frustrates me more than my own laziness or lack of motivation is when outside elements creep in and make it more difficult for me to continue pursuing. On Monday evening, I was trying to come up with some task I could do that fit my current energy level (I think there’s a whole post to be written on that topic alone) and I came up blank. I think I was exhausted from the sixteen hours spent in the car over the weekend, a long mundane Monday, and hormones. I decided my best bet was to go to bed early, get a good night’s sleep, and try again in the morning, refreshed and ready to go.

Then the phone rang. And I had to deal with something that kept me up for another hour and a half. And then I was frustrated that I didn’t get to sleep earlier and had a harder time falling asleep.

What do you do when things that are out of your control prevent you and rob you of time you so desperately want to pursue something you love? Right now my current solution is get really pissed off, but I don’t think that’s working so well for me.

There’s also been drama. Drama from work, drama from church… drama, drama, drama. I’m tired. I didn’t get my “down” day this week, so I think I’m just trying to keep up right now. This morning I did not succeed in getting up early and now have about 10 minutes of dream time. Go me.

I am trying to cut myself a little slack and remember that just because one day (or two or three) don’t go as I planned, doesn’t mean that my dream is lost down the drain. I will push on and continue. With coffee in hand.