The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here, He is risen, just as He said.”
Matthew 28:5-6a
This is the greatest news ever, the very foundation of all I believe in. This mere fact allows me to live a new life full of joy, completeness, and wholeness.
So why do I feel totally empty?
I feel frustrated. I can’t pinpoint it, and have been trying for awhile. What used to inspire and encourage me feels fruitless lately. Easter used to get me excited. Shouting “HE IS RISEN!” at the top of my lungs before leaving church left me grinning all day. This morning, reading all the “He is risen!” status updates on Facebook made me want to roll my eyes. What the heck changed? And why?
It’s the same with worship. The different aspects weaved throughout worship services that are meant to enhance worship usually only distract me. The fancy lights, background music played during any and every prayer; this stuff used to seem cool. Now it only calls away from the One I’m trying to focus on.
I hate to be judgmental. But it seems it’s the only emotion I can evoke during church anymore. I am weary of the show we as Christians try to put on. Who are we trying to impress? The few people that only show up on Easter? That if we make it cool enough, they’ll want to come back? I’m all for using our gifts to the best of our ability, but I also long for authenticity.
I know a lot of this is my own junk that I need to continue to work through. But it worries me when I feel I can have a better worship experience on a long, quiet drive alone than I can in church. I’ve spoken to others and I know I’m not alone. I’ve watched other expressionless faces during worship and they speak volumes to me. There is a disconnect happening somewhere.
I will continue to fight through the nothingness and frustration I feel. The living Savior that I love and serve is big enough to help me handle it.
At times in the past, I have been in a similar spiritual place as what you describe. It’s not easy, but try to hang on. I had a friend who asked the question – how do we deal with dry, empty spiritual times? You can read the responses she got here
http://mcpfaithwriter.blogspot.com/2010/04/death-taxes-and-desert-places.html
My response is the first one.
If the long, quiet drive alone is what you need right now, then take that drive. I find that a long walk can be very helfpul.
Easter can be an especially difficult time when we are feeling empty. Because the expectation is that there will be immediate joy, but the reality is that joy is not always immediate. My pastor said in an Easter sermon a couple years ago that we should keep in mind that the disciples did not ‘get’ the meaning (or the reality) of the resurrection right away.
This is my first time visiting your blog, and I haven’t had time to read the older posts. Looking forward to it…
Thanks for the comment. đŸ™‚ I read the blog, and I like your suggestion. I often have to just keep going, all while finding some purpose and peace in the little things.
I once had someone tell me, “Don’t do. Just be.” I have to remind myself of that often.
Thanks for visiting!