Isn’t it weird how nerve wracking some simple things can be? We run into things in life that aren’t so enjoyable but that we simply need to get through. If you’re anything like me, you stress and stress and stress some more about it. You worry and fret and worry some more. You’re looking forward to that moment when that moment is DONE and you can finally breathe one big sigh of relief.

I’ve had lots of these moments in life. Reports that had to be delivered in front of the class. Auditions for various musicals or even worse, admission into the Florida State School of Music. Juries in front of the FSU School of Music Voice Faculty to determine if I was good enough to go forward in my schooling. Long plane rides by myself to strange foreign countries. Driving a 15 passenger van in LA traffic. Waiting the fifteen hours (or so it seemed) in the church lobby before my wedding ceremony where I’d pledge my love and life and sing a song to my husband to be. Each moment left me with my stomach tied in knots, wanting to be able to relax, and finding it very hard to do so.

The thing that I’ve discovered is that in most of these moments, the actual event isn’t the bad part. It’s the waiting to do it. The minutes that lead up to them and the way your mind always plays the event out in the worst possible way. What if I trip? What if I forget the words? What if my voice cracks? What if I’m not good enough? (I hate that one.) I’ve tried lots of tricks to calm myself down in moments like these (especially in moments leading up to a performance). Usually the best thing is to simply wait and trust that it will be just fine. And usually it is. Even if you forget the words, it will still be just fine.

I view events like these as hurdles to jump over. And when we get over them and are surprised to find ourselves on the other side, still alive and relatively still unscathed, we feel good. Really good. And it builds confidence.

I don’t know if using a hurdle is the best imagery for me, as I tripped over a hurdle in P.E. one day in elementary or middle school (it’s all kinda fuzzy… I’ve blocked a lot of it out). And I mean tripped. Fell into the dirt and scraped up my leg kind of tripped. The teacher sent me away to get doctored up, and I don’t think I’ve ever jumped a hurdle since then. I suppose I should have, cause now I have a big fear of them. Well, maybe not a BIG fear. But I’d rather not jump over one again.

So maybe it is an okay image. It’s a big, scary thing that I don’t want to do and that I know I could possibly fail at. Okay, so it does work. So anyway, I jumped over another one of these this past weekend. I’ve written in past entries how I feel like a meager musician when it comes to guitar. I can’t seem to motivate myself to practice and I feel like my “talent” is going nowhere. All of a sudden, God gives me a great job where I’m going to be able to use my guitar skills, and hopefully “hone” them a bit. That sounded GREAT, until it came time to actually play.

So we did a variety show this weekend at my work, and had dancing and skits, and my bell choir had a chance to perform. They asked me to sing. No problem. I asked a friend if she could come accompany me, but she was unavailable. Shoot. Time to face fears and just accompany myself already. So I picked a song out, simplified the chords for myself (I just can’t handle chord changes on every syllable yet) and practiced it all week. And worried. And stressed. And fretted (ha ha!! I made a pun!! Okay, never mind…)

And as always, the days and hours and minutes leading up to it were ridiculous. And as that fateful moment finally arrived and I stepped on stage and put that guitar strap around my neck, I could feel my heart about to pound out of my chest. But, as always, as soon as I started and got through the first few phrases, I realized I was going to make it. I would survive.

Of course, it helped that the guitar wasn’t even plugged in and the people could barely hear it, but hey, it was an accomplishment for me! I stood on stage clumsily strumming along, thinking, “I’m doing it! I’m actually playing AND singing!” I had to smile. I’m sure God was laughing a bit, thinking, “You’ve been asking me for so long for help to get better at this thing, and I give you the chance and all you do is whine about it! And look! You’re doing just fine!”

So I’ll continue to jump these hurdles as they come and I know they’ll get easier as I go. This Saturday, I’ll have the chance to play guitar again, for a sing a long. I was pretty nervous about it a few weeks ago, but after this weekend, it’s not seeming so bad.