I love it when God shows up. And for some reason, even though I know my God, it always sort of surprises me when He does. I’ve been feeling pretty “down” lately, overwhelmed and burdened by recent conflict. I’ve been unable to worship lately, and have become overly critical of worship services. Church is no longer an enjoyable and joyous thing for me. Honestly, I usually dread going. Kind of scary, as it used to be the highlight of my week. It seems that lately all I can identify in worship services anymore are the cheesy elements and the things that distract me from worship. Some of these may be valid, but seriously, some days I think I need to get out of myself.

I remember back to the days when I was a new Christian. I loved church, and I loved worship. I was one of those Christians who could praise God at all times and always had something to say about how good our God was. I was one of those Christians that now drive me crazy. In a lot of ways, I’m thankful that I’m changing in my faith. I believe that my faith has matured and there is a greater depth than there used to be. I demand authenticity in worship and honesty from others. However, there is a part of me that misses the old me. I miss the childlike faith and intense love affair I had with God. I could see God in everything, and lately, I’ve had a really hard time doing that.

Drew and I read my favorite devotional every night, My Utmost for His Highest. We’re a few days behind due to a hectic week last week, and we read February 10th last night. When Drew asked me my thoughts on it, I replied, “Part of this makes me sad.” I was referring to a part that made me think of the old me that’s faded away. The passage read:

“In every wind that blows, in every night and day of the year, in every sign of        the sky, in every blossoming and in every withering of the earth, there is a              real coming of God to us if we will simply use our starved imagination to                realize it.”

I remember being able to look at things in nature, things all around me, and see God in them. And praise Him. Now I just see withered leaves. And it saddens me.

This morning, I was searching for a CD that I wanted to listen to. Unfortunately, I couldn’t think of the artists name, and in the large compiled collection that is Drew and I’s CDs, I couldn’t find it. My eyes ran across another CD, and I decided to listen to it instead. It was the CD Sleepwalkers, by a group called Spur 58. The drummer in the band is a friend of Drew’s, and I had the chance to meet him a little over a year ago. It’s a CD I enjoy, so I put it in.

I listened to the first few songs and drank my coffee, enjoying the ones I usually enjoyed. Then it got to track 4, and was surprised by it. It was a song I had listened to before and had liked, but it took on new meaning today. It’s the title track, and the lyrics are:

Verse 1:
Check your pulse
See if blood is rushing through
There should be a beating heart attached to you

We are sleepwalkers
Alive but not in love
We’ve forgotten, we’ve abandoned
what it means to have life

The day awaits your arrival
The day is waiting for you to wake up

Chorus:
Wake up and breathe again
There is life outside
This room you’ve run around
With your sleep-closed eyes
Come and see the daylight is running thin
Wake up and breathe

Verse 2:
life is short, there is so much to be said
We should be the sign of life and not the dead

We’re not lost stars, afraid of all this space
Let us light up, let us burn bright
And illuminate today

The day awaits your arrival
The day is waiting for you to wake up

Bridge:
I think it’s time for you to open up your eyes