I always thought house hunting would be fun and exciting. And it has been, at times, but honestly, the foremost feeling has been stress. We’re feeling a tad pressured by this first time home buyers tax credit. Of course, we don’t have to buy a house now and get free money, but come on! It’s $8000 in free money! We don’t really want to pass that up, especially since we are thinking about buying a house soon anyway.

So we’ve been looking over the past few months, and recently we got our finances in order (after paying off some debt) and got approved for a loan. We got together with a realtor friend, who’s been busting her butt for us, trying to find us a home. We looked at about 10 houses and town-homes over two days. It seemed like there was at least one thing about each place that wasn’t quite right. Sloping driveway, puddle in the garage, too small, not enough bedrooms, and what is that smell? I’ve tried hard to envision myself in each place, and with some, it just ain’t happening.

One place we went into was a foreclosure. It was in pretty sad shape, with boards in the windows and one room with bare concrete, where the homeowners had apparently tried to redo the floor and had run out of steam. The kitchen was missing the fridge and the stove, and the master bath was missing the toilet. Don’t know why they felt the need to grab several major appliances and run, but okay. Other than all that, it fit all our criteria. Three bedrooms, two baths, a nice big family room. Drew was immediately intrigued; I struggled a bit more trying to realistically see myself in this place. Our realtor looked around and said, “This place needs lots of TLC.” (I’ve loved her honesty. After walking into the first place we looked at, she declared, “Well, I’m not getting the warm fuzzies, how ’bout you guys?”) We checked out a couple more places that day, and then called it a day.

Drew and I went out to eat that night, and discussed our options. As he sipped his beer and we munched on our entrees, we came back to the foreclosure. Because it was in sad shape, it was cheap. Drew began to talk about how we could take that place and fix it up. We could borrow money to do renovations and we could make it really cool. And we could make it whatever we wanted. The more we talked, the more excited I got. After dinner, we walked around Home Depot and looked at flooring and countertops and even jetted tubs. We were brimming with ideas and ready to make an offer!

Our realtor phoned our bank the next day, inquiring about a “fixer upper” loan. The loan we’d been approved for wouldn’t do it. Our hearts sank. Drew posted a frustrated status on facebook, wondering how we were supposed to stay in our budget if we couldn’t buy cheap. His cousin commented, saying that her husband did mortgage loans and could probably help. Drew gave him a call, and sure enough, he could do it. Over the next week, we did more paperwork and had more credit checks and we were a go. So once again we became excited. We spent all week talking about all the cool stuff we were going to do. Stars on the ceiling in the master (using fiber optics and some nerd stuff that Drew was going to use; I was just thinking sticky star stickers), an outdoor theme in the living room, and a relaxing “chapel” feel in the spare bedroom. We had it all planned out! It was going to be so awesome and I was going to have my jetted tub and we were going to have parties and people were going to be so impressed with how we took this foreclosed piece of crap and turned into an amazing home. I even told Drew I was excited about being able to take this house that had been neglected and abused and show it a little love.

So with a few final phone calls and details out of the way, we were ready on Thursday to make an offer. We were going to go after work to meet our realtor and work on the papers.  I was so excited I could barely stand it. Concentrating at work was close to impossible. Then, in the afternoon, I got the unthinkable text from Drew.

“Bad news… someone submitted an offer before us.”

My heart sank. I tried to remain optimistic. I had just watched a show on HGTV the other night about first time homebuyers. I had seen two episodes, and in both episodes, the buyers found out that the home of their dreams had another offer on it. But in the end, they both got their house. It was just for dramatic effect… right? We were just having a little dramatic effect in our home buying process.

I waited an agonizing thirty minutes, and then had to go call Bingo. My heart really wasn’t into the calling (not that it ever really is, but especially not then) and I kept sending up silent prayers that the other offer wouldn’t go through. Maybe they wouldn’t have their pre-approval letter, maybe something would fall through. I felt bad praying for someone else’s misfortune, but come on. This was MY house we were talking about! Mentally, I had already moved in.

I finished Bingo and raced to pick up my phone and saw the words that made me want to sit down and have a good cry.

“Bank accepted the other guy’s offer.”

To say, “That sucks,” is a major understatement. I was crushed. We feel like we’re starting all over. I feel like we’ve exhausted every house option in our price range. I’m beginning to wonder if we’re going to buy a house now or not. Time is so running out for the tax credit. I’m starting to feel hopeless.

My parents bought a house a few years back. They found the house they wanted, made an offer, and everything looked good. Then all of a sudden the guy backed out. My mom was so frustrated and didn’t want to go through the whole house hunt process again. But they did, and that same day they found another house that was even better than the first, and cheaper. Mom was sure to remind me of that story this week.

But I wonder… what if that doesn’t happen? People are telling us, “A better house is out there!” We’re even telling ourselves that. But what if it isn’t? What if God has something else in mind? What if He keeps us where we are a little longer? That’s definitely not what I want, but we don’t always get what we want.

I’ve been reading Purpose Driven Life recently, and just finished up the section about trials and how they’re supposed to test us and refine us and all that churchy cliche stuff. But I know it’s true. I know God sends tests our way to refine us into what He wants us to be. Doesn’t make this process any easier, but at least I have a little comfort knowing that He’s in control and that in the end, it will all work out.

So yes, people will continue to tell us, “A better house is on the way!” but it’s hard to believe that right now. I know it will all be okay, but right now it’s not okay. This whole thing really sucks, and I want my home.