Jamie

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Jamie’s Thoughts

 

Time for a bullet post

Thursday, August 25th, 2011

– I’ve had some proud of me moments this week. I put a whole chicken in the crock pot for dinner on Monday, which is super easy. After pulling out all the meat, I left the bones and skin in the crock pot and added water. I turned it on low and left it while we went to bed. In the morning, I strained out all the bones and skin and had homemade chicken broth, which I then turned around and used to make chicken noodle soup that night. I used the leftover chicken, along with some onions, carrots, and celery that were still in my produce drawer.

– Drew and I took a day trip to Jacksonville this weekend. We are contemplating buying a new bed and are researching all our options. We bought an off brand (i.e. cheap) memory foam bed from Costco a few years back, and it’s been alright, but we both definitely agree that we wake up stiff and tired every morning. We just can’t seem to get a good night’s sleep, and since it’s both of us, we figure it’s probably the mattress. Drew remembers sleeping on a friend’s waterbed in high school and how it was the best sleep he’s ever gotten. All I remember about waterbeds is sleeping on my best friend’s bed in middle school. It was fun then, but I had visions of getting seasick every time Drew rolled over. We agreed that we needed to go lay on one. Unfortunately, no bed store in Tally has them on their showroom. We had to drive to Jax to be able to lay on one. We found a small bed store that was furnished in 80s style and an overzealous bed salesman. He insisted we try the soft side waterbed, which has a layer of foam on top of the water compartment, as well as two separate water compartments. No seasick motions when Drew climbed in. It was rather comfy, but I had a hard time really testing it out, as the bed heater was cranked up to 90 degrees. It took me awhile to figure out why I was dripping in sweat. After we left there, we found another bed store that sold Tempurpedic mattresses, our other option. We wanted to compare it to the waterbed, and didn’t have the heart to tell the salesman we wouldn’t be back to buy a bed from him.

– After finishing our bed shopping, we had dinner on the water. We weren’t terribly hungry, so we split an appetizer platter that was quite tasty.

– I love couponing. I have recently discovered how to shop at CVS, and am really loving the Extra Care Bucks I walk away with. Yesterday I walked out with $15 worth of stuff for free! I paid a little in tax, but not too shabby. I love going to the grocery store each week and seeing what deals I can get. What can I say, I get a high out of getting my granola bars for 15 cents.

Part 3

Monday, August 22nd, 2011

I read once that everyone has at least one good book in them. I’ve already shared several times on this blog the book that I feel I have inside me and that I have been attempting to write.

It involves music, worship, and my life. It is currently taking the form of a memoir, and I am digging deep and searching into every musically related memory I can remember. What I hope to get out of it is to figure out why worship is now so difficult for me. It used to come so easy and now it’s a major struggle.

I don’t think I’m the only one. In fact, I know I’m not the only one. A friend just recently told me how she struggled singing some of the songs during church because she didn’t feel she could honestly believe some of the words. It’s hard to sing, “You’re all I want,” when you’re going through some tough struggles. “You’re all I want to want,” seems more fitting. I just can’t get to the total surrender that some of these songs insist on.

Church is a tender, touchy subject for me anymore. Church committees have become my worst enemy. I’ve watched decisions be made that I can’t agree with, and it makes it difficult to go into worship and stand next to these people. Actually, I don’t even know who “these people” are. It’s just some faceless void. Regardless, I go into church on Sunday mornings incredibly guarded.

I hope to not “attack” the church in this book, no matter how much I might want to. Instead, I hope to simply take a good, long, hard look at myself and figure out what’s going on inside me. Maybe then I can make sense of what’s going on.

Dream part 2

Monday, August 15th, 2011

One of my residents is a famous musician. Literally. He’s a saxophonist that has played with the likes of Glenn Miller. Pretty cool. He likes to practice every afternoon and if you walk through the building you can hear the sounds of his soulful melodies drifting through the air.

He found out that I’m also a musician and I think we have a special bond now. Our company is in the process of a name change; eventually our name will be Allegro. He knew that this was a musical term but couldn’t remember exactly what it meant. So he came to me. I couldn’t remember either. Google to the rescue.

Allegro is “lively and quick.” We talked about that, and he looked at the design of the logo and commented that it was kind of lame (not in those exact words). He felt that if they were going to incorporate a musical term into their name, the logo should reflect that.

Then his eyes lit up and you could see the lightbulb over his head.

“We should write a song about the new name!”

I could feel that fake smile begin to plaster across my face. “Oh, what a good idea!” was what came out of my mouth. “I don’t have time for that!” was what was in my brain. I looked at my overflowing desk that I can never seem to get cleared off.

Then I remembered the second part of my dream.

Songwriting. I have dabbled in this for years and have had dreams of writing life changing songs. In reading through old journals, I have seen lots of attempts at lyrics. I love the thought of taking a frustrating or joyous feeling and making it fit into the confines of a three to four minute song. Often feelings that I can’t put to words are expressed beautifully by a song someone else has written. I feel I can deal with those feelings so much easier once it’s in song form. I want to write songs like that; songs where people say, “THAT’S what I’ve been feeling. I haven’t been able to put my finger on it, but that’s it right there.”

I have co-written a couple of songs with a friend, and have recordings of some of them. I’ve heard positive feedback on them. I have not attempted yet to write a complete song on my own, and that’s my ultimate goal. I could totally suck at it. But I know I need to give it a shot. One thing Quitter talks about is giving yourself freedom to fail miserably. And fail in a way that people are still blessed through it. I want to write songs that might possibly be crappy. Heck, my first attempts will be crappy. I can almost guarantee it. Cheeseball, here we come.

Quitter talks of giving yourself fake deadlines to help push you forward. I think perhaps I need to do that with this songwriting thing. Give myself a week or so to write a song. Any song. It may have roses are red lyrics and a melody similar to Mary Had a Little Lamb and will probably be in the key of D (the easiest key for me on guitar… I capo almost everything to this key). That’s okay. I need to start somewhere. Drew told me to write a song about how hard it is to write a song. This might be a good place to start.

As I stood there in my office with my musically inclined resident, it hit me that this might be a way to find things about my day job that incorporate with my dream job. Maybe writing a song with my resident will be a good way to get my brain moving. Maybe it will inspire me to write more. Chances are he’ll forget about it anyway, but I really shouldn’t dismiss it right away.

So what is this dream that you speak of?

Monday, August 8th, 2011

I’m so glad that Jon Acuff dedicated an entire chapter in his book and an entire section in his conference to figuring out what your dream is. I was also relieved to find out I wasn’t the only one without a clearly defined dream. As I’ve been digging and searching, it seems my dream has three parts. Here’s part one.

One of the greatest quotes from the book is that finding your dream is “an act of recovery, not discovery.” It involves digging into your past and rediscovering those things that you’re passionate about. Don’t ask, “What do I want to do with my life?” Ask, “What have I done in my life that I loved?” Asking that question makes it all seem a little less daunting.

Asking that question of myself always brings up one answer; usually immediately. Singing. That’s the answer I came to when I decided to switch majors in college. It’s why I settled on music. I wasn’t entirely sure what I could do with a music degree, but I knew I loved singing.

I have had several people ask me throughout my life why I’m not a professional singer. I am greatly flattered by this question and quite honestly floored that people think I have what it takes to be a professional singer. My answer is usually something to the effect of; don’t know where to get started, there’s so much competition, blah blah blah. It’s an overwhelming thought. How would I even go about that? The thought of auditions and rejection are almost too much to take.

After singing a solo at a Christmas Eve service one year, a friend leaned over to Drew and said, “She could pay the bills with that voice!” Drew’s response?

“She hasn’t yet.”

So true. But it makes me wonder why I haven’t. I think it’s time to start trying.

I think another thing that has made me feel “stuck” is that I don’t want to be the next American Idol. I really don’t enjoy being in the spotlight. I am an introvert that prefers to hide in the shadows. (I’ll be honest… I do love the high of performing and receiving compliments.) I am not looking to be famous and on the road all the time. I just know that I love singing and have heard that people are blessed through it. So I want to figure out something with that.

So where do I start? I think for the moment I need to reacquaint myself with my voice. I’ll be honest. I can’t remember the last time I spent doing a really good vocal warm-up. That makes all the difference. I can tell that my voice is not up to what it could be. I sing and I can feel the scratchiness of my throat; I can hear my voice struggle between registers; and that high G that used to come so easy is a bit of a stretch now. What I find funny is how people compliment me on how well I sing when I notice all these things. I think, “Wow, I suck.” They hear beautiful music. How much better could I be if I really try?

My immediate, attainable goal is to spend at least a few mornings a week doing vocalises. Heck, I don’t even need to carve out special time for this. I can do it in the shower. Here we go… Mee-ahhh…