As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve spent much of my life feeling as if I wasn’t quite good enough. I’ve grown in self confidence and assurance and don’t struggle with it as much anymore, but there are countless times in life I can think back on and remember feeling inadequate. Many of those times are relating to my musicality. I’ve written posts before about feeling insecure about my guitar playing. Some may be surprised to hear that I’m often insecure about my singing as well.

Throughout my college days, I spent lots of time (although probably not enough) in cramped little practice rooms with out of tune uprights. I’d listen to the big, booming vibrato in the adjoining practice room and I’d wonder how I could make my voice do that. Because honestly, that seems to be FSU’s vocal goal: to fit every voice into the same operatic mold. If I could just figure out how to get my voice to fit in.

Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful for my college experience. I am thankful for the vast exposure to classical repertoire, the music theory, and my kind voice teacher’s patience in working with me. Yet I still felt not good enough. Sometimes I swear my voice teacher would utter an exasperated sigh during a lesson.

Luckily, my vocal goals did not include singing at the Met. I absorbed all I could, learned a few little vocal tricks, and worked my butt off for a recital of sacred pieces (And I kicked butt, if I say so myself).

Now that FSU is far behind me, the type of music I tend to sing is far from classical. Although I am able to perform some of those classical pieces for my residents, I don’t pull them out often. As a contemporary worship leader, I am exploring new musical genres.

Last week during worship, I was the only vocalist. I wanted a little more volume, so I started to sing in chest voice. I’ve dabbled a bit in chest voice, but honestly, it’s a foreign concept to me. I don’t know that it was ever explained in a way that I understood it. It seemed like the forbidden fruit; you shouldn’t use it, but oh, was it tempting.

As I sang last week, I went for more volume, and pushed it in chest voice. I found that I liked what I heard. Rather than my usual vibrato filled, sweet soprano voice, I heard deep, rich and throaty tones. I was loving it, until I discovered that I was having trouble hitting some higher notes. Anytime I tried to switch back to head voice, the sound was so puny. So I stayed in chest voice for most of it. Unfortunately, singing in chest voice for long periods puts a strain on my voice, and I feel like I’m on the verge of cracking.

I’m realizing the potential of chest voice, but I want to make sure I use it correctly. I’d like to sing for many years to come, and don’t want to put unnecessary strain on my voice. So, I’m trying to read up on chest voice and vocalize in ways that will help me transition between head and chest.

Luckily, I’m not feeling insecure about this new style… just anxious to learn more about it. Guess I’m making some progress.