I hate sitting still.

Well, maybe I should say, I have a very hard time sitting still. In a life that is so focused on go, go, go, it’s hard to overcome that for even a few minutes. In those rare moments where I do get myself to sit down and breathe, I realize how much I need that time. Getting there is the trouble.

One of my biggest problems when trying to be still is that my brain refuses to. I sit down and try to relax, and then my to-do list begins running through my head. I need to send that e-mail, or start that load of laundry, or when was the last time the toilet got scrubbed? I hate that these things pick that moment to come to mind.  I try to push them out of my mind, and they refuse to go. I’ve heard the suggestion to write them down and deal with it later. That doesn’t always work for me. My brain still thinks, “HELLO! It still needs to be DONE!” I hate my overactive brain. It’s the reason I often have trouble falling asleep.

One of my other problems is simply that I try to put too much into my days. And I put too much pressure on myself to get it all done. It’s hard to sit and truly relax when I know I failed to practice guitar yet again, or there are 8,000 loads of laundry yet to be done. So, instead of sitting and taking a deep breath, I feel like a bit of a failure. What’s up with that?

In my continuing quest to practice yoga, I am trying to incorporate more than just the exercise part. I love the fact that I am feeling more flexible, stronger, and energized. But one of the biggest aspects of yoga is not the strengthening and toning of muscles. It’s the “getting in tune with yourself” part. I’ll admit, that part of yoga scared me. There’s such a new-agey undertone to so much of yoga. As a Christian, you feel like you should have no part of it. But I’m beginning to understand the meditation part of it. Practicers of yoga do the physical part of yoga to quiet their body and mind and get themselves focused for the meditation part (that is my oversimplified definition). While I meditate, I plan to focus on God, rather than my intuition, or the little voice inside of me screaming to be heard.

Since I am “getting” yoga more, I am trying more. I continue to use the resources on yogatic.com. I use the exercise videos often, and decided one night to try one of the meditation videos. I had a few minutes before Drew got home from guy night and figured I could squeeze it in. Not even halfway through it, my phone beeped with a text. I ignored it for awhile, but found myself wondering what the text said. Then another text. I gave into temptation and checked it. I half-heartedly finished the video. Needless to say, it didn’t really give me the effect I had hoped for.

I’m beginning to see how I need to purposely set aside time for quiet and meditation. I have the perfect space for this, in our newly created “chapel” section of the music room.

I need to close the door, turn off my phone, take some deep breaths, and force myself to sit still. I know it will probably drive me crazy at first, but the end result will be a much less frazzled me.