There’s a book sitting on my nightstand that has been there for a couple of months. I am trying to get through it, because I’m the type that has to finish one book before starting another. I cannot pick up another book in good conscience without finishing the first. I have a list of other books that are in the to-read list, and I can’t get through them until I finish this book.

It’s not a bad book. It’s actually quite good, well written, with that poetic word phrasing woven throughout it’s sentences. It’s a book whose title drew me in. Plus, it was at a bookstore that was going out of business and I got it for like 10 cents. You can’t beat that.

Being the singer/musician that I am, titles like this make me look twice. I took it home. I’ve been reading books that inspire creativity and passion, in an effort to inspire my own creativity and passion. I figured this would be one of those books.

However, I have found it hard to get through. Not because it’s bad, but because it makes me feel like a bad singer. The book is filled with dramatic phrases on the beauty of melody and the life found within harmonious musical phrases. Singers can relate to that. We’re passionate, dramatic, and emotional.

For some reason, with this book, I find myself rolling my eyes at some of her phrases. She speaks of the life and the energy she gets from simple vocal warm ups and how her whole body resonates for the remainder of the day. I haven’t done a good vocal warm up in months. I hate to be reminded of that. It makes me feel lazy and uncommitted.

I love singing. I really do. It used to make me feel alive and on fire. Lately, it seems like a chore. People ask me to sing and I internally groan, thinking, “Do I have to?” Perhaps it’s simply because most of my singing lately has been at work, involving songs like, “Deep in the Heart of Texas,” and “She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Mountain.” I long for songs with substance and words that speak to my heart. It’s been awhile since I’ve found a song like that. Perhaps that explains the sudden urge for songwriting again. I want to create a song that speaks to my heart, because it seems that songs like that are rare lately.

I try not to let things riddle me with guilt (like the WIii Fit, that felt the need to ask me yesterday if I realized it had been ten days since I had last used it. Shut up! I haven’t been feeling good! You’re not the boss of me!) but instead convict me subtly. I hope that I can let this book do that at least. Convict me to walk to the keyboard and attempt a few zing-a-mamas or mee-may-mah-moh-moos. Or at least a little humming in the shower. As a singer, I can at least do that much.

But I still hope I finish that book soon.