This is the practice school of writing. Like running, the more you do it, the better you get at it. Some days you don’t want to run and you resist every step of the three miles, but you do it anyway. You practice whether you want to or not. You don’t wait around for inspiration and a deep desire to run. It’ll never happen, especially if you are out of shape and have been avoiding it. But if you run regularly, you train your mind to cut through or ignore your resistance. You just do it. And in the middle of the run, you love it. When you come to the end, you never want to stop. And you stop, hungry for the next time.

That’s how writing is too. Once you’re deep into it, you wonder what took so long to finally settle down at the desk.

-Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones

I am not a runner, but I know this quote can be applied to anything in life. Prone to sit back and wait for inspiration to hit, I have found that inspiration seldom comes. You have to go look for it and seek it out. And sometimes you never find it. But you keep trying, keep searching, and soon it will come.

I’ve made a pact with myself to get up earlier and spend some time writing. I have done well with it so far, with the exception of the past couple days. Stress at work and much needed cuddles with the hubby have taken precedence over those extra 20 minutes of writing. And that’s okay. I have written much, and am encouraged by what I’ve been able to accomplish. I do want to make sure I don’t lose that momentum. Even when I’m discouraged and feeling low, I want to push through and get to that place where it just happens freely.

I am so prone to not doing the things I so want to do because I’m not feeling inspired. Playing guitar is one of those things. I don’t practice because it doesn’t feel fun. It’s not relaxing, and after a long, draining day at work, it’s the last thing I want to do. I have to force myself into the music room and pick it up, even if just for five minutes of practice. It’s something I so want to do, but it’s so difficult.

Another thing that is difficult for me but is something I so want to pursue is songwriting. It’s a hard thing to do when there is no inspiration. Anything that makes it onto the paper sounds like mindless drivel. I listen to the inspired songwriting that so many musicians do and I’m jealous. I have all these great ideas in my mind, but when it gets onto the paper,  it’s not so great. I have decided the best I can do is keep writing, even if it’s crap. There might be an inspired line or two that I can pull out of the crap.

When I page through my journals, my eyes will catch little snippets of songs that I’ve tried to create.

This jumble in my head makes me ache tonight

Tired of thinking and trying to make it right

As if a bit more thought will push the pieces into place

Making everything better, making my thoughts safe

 

Paging through pages

It’s been ages since I felt that way

Visions of a younger me fade into memory and slowly drift away

Innocence, longing, energy

Coursed through the veins of that younger me

 

Sometimes when I read back through them, they’re not as bad as I originally thought. If I could just keep pushing and weave my little thoughts together into one coherent song…