Jamie

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Jamie’s Thoughts

 

Gramp’s legacy

Sunday, August 9th, 2009

My mother’s mother passed away when I was just a baby. Although I “met” her, I never knew her. My one memory regarding her was her jewelry box that my mother brought home. When my grandfather passed away, my mother and her siblings set to the unhappy task of divvying up the parent’s stuff. We got a dining room table, a hutch, and some other odds and ends. I think the dining room table went to my sister after she married, and I believe it’s gone to Goodwill now, after years of use made the chairs a bit too wobbly. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the stuff that we collected, but I do remember the jewelry box. I used to spend hours going through it, trying on the pearl necklaces and clip on earrings. There was nothing of value, just costume jewelry, but I enjoyed opening it up and revealing it’s treasures. My mom would tell me about when her mother would wear each piece, and I would peer at my reflection in the tiny mirror, gazing at the baubles hanging from my earlobes.

This was my memory of my grandmother. I made my mom promise that I would get the jewelry box when I moved out. Sadly, that never happened, as an unfortunate break into our house years ago resulted in the loss of the jewelry box, as well as some other items. I guess the thieves thought they would get some money from it. All they stole was memories. I still miss that box.

Although I never did get that jewelry box, I did get inherit a different memory from a different grandparent. My father’s parents passed away within a year of each other, and my family made the trek out to New Mexico for his service and to help with the task of cleaning up his house. After days of shredding papers, my sister and I glared at our parents and told them they’d better start cleaning up now, cause we didn’t want to do this with them. But we had a good time going through the house and deciding who would receive what pieces. Since I had no house, I didn’t really get much. My parents said I could pick out some things and they would keep it in their house for the time being. I did pick out one of the pictures that was left that nobody wanted. It looked kind of pathetic in it’s worn out frame, but I kind of liked it. It was a scenic picture of a beach. My uncle took it with him to reframe it. He does framing on the side, and when he returned it to us, everyone was impressed with it and made comments like, “We should have taken that one!” It hung in my room at my parent’s for a couple years, until they moved. I think it’s in their house now. Hmmm… maybe I should reclaim that.

Anyway, that’s not the object that I received that stuck out to me. While cleaning, we ran across some boxes filled with sheet music, CDs, and Gramp’s old clarinet. We stood around, scratching our heads, wondering what to do with it. I imagine all eyes shifted to me, as I’m the only musical one in the family. There’s been a joke in our family that my musical talent must have skipped a generation. So, because there was nothing better to do with it, the sheet music went to me. I also received some of the CDs, many of which were Big Band CDs and have since become some of my favorites.

I was intrigued with the sheet music. I believe that at the time, I was in the middle of my pursuit of a music degree at Florida State. I looked through all of it, mostly piano music, and wished I could play it. My grandfather had purchased a keyboard recently and had spent a lot of time playing on it. I think that’s how he spent most of his time once my grandmother’s Alzheimers grew worse and she moved to the nursing home. One of his favorite pieces was The Entertainer by Scott Joplin.

I remember going to visit my grandmother in the nursing home a couple years before she died. She walked into the room and I didn’t recognize her. I knew a little about the awful disease, but I was shocked that something could take away so much of the well dressed, refined, smiling, joyful Granny I used to know. It scared me. My most vivid memory from that day was when Gramps went to the piano and began to play. I think he played The Entertainer. Granny smiled and tapped along with the music. When Gramps slowed the tempo, her foot slowed too. She never missed a beat. I think this was my first experience with the power of music.

Years later, I’m done with my music degree, and settled into a place of my own with a husband by my side. The box of sheet music got shoved to the back of my closet and was moved back and forth until I settled into my current home. This past year, I started a job at a retirement community, in the activities department. One of the things I’m in “charge” of is music. I do a bell choir once a week and once a month I lead sing-a-longs. I’m trying to learn more of this generation’s music, and have been hunting for sheet music and guitar chords for much of it.

Recently I remembered that box. So today I pulled it out and rifled through it, dusting off songbooks. Although there’s still a lot of piano music that I can’t quite play, I discovered a lot of songs in that box. Songs that I should learn and eventually perform for my residents. There were lots of photocopied pieces, and many issues of Sheet Music Magazine. Who knew there was such a publication! I found all kinds of goodies that I can make use of in my new occupation. I sifted through classical pieces, show tunes, Christmas music, and all sorts of others.

I also discovered some handwritten scores. They were pieces that my grandfather had painstakingly transcribed by hand.

Lots of painstaking work

Lots of painstaking work

I don’t know why he felt the need to rewrite pieces that he probably already had printed copies of. Perhaps he was trying to preserve certain pieces while getting rid of certain issues of Sheet Music Magazine, to cut back on some clutter. Perhaps he wanted to internalize the music more, becoming more familiar with each note, as a five year old will print their letters over and over to learn them better.

One of his clarinet pieces

One of his clarinet pieces

I remember being in Spanish classes and having to write sentences over and over to try to internalize the words and the language. Perhaps my grandfather wanted to know this music on a deeper level. Maybe he was just bored. Whatever his reason, I found hand written copies of Bach’s Prelude in C Major,

Bach's prelude in C Major

Bach's prelude in C Major

Begin the Beguine by Cole Porter, and Send in the Clowns (this one had a big penciled X through the music. I had to smile at that, wondering why he felt the need to cross out all his work.)

So although I couldn’t keep my grandmother’s legacy of her jewelry box, I’m honored that I was able to keep the musical legacy of my grandfather. And tickled that I get to use a lot of it now! I’m sure I couldn’t have found half of these songs if I’d googled for months.

Thanks for the help, Gramps.

My newest pet peeve

Saturday, August 1st, 2009

In recent months, I’ve discovered the newest thing that has really started to piss me off. I know that we, as Americans, are obsessed with weight. People would kill to be skinny. If people are three pounds over the weight they think they need to be at, they are FAT. At least in their minds.

I am a small person. There is no way around that. I am petite. I am one of those lucky few that has a good metabolism. I have never had to fight with my weight. I know I can eat a big slab of chocolate cheesecake and it won’t go straight to my hips. I am lucky. I know this. And people hate me for it.

When I went on tour with the African Children’s Choir, I ate three hefty meals a day, as we were guests everywhere we went. We all know that guests = good food and lots of it. Throughout this time, I discovered that I DID have to watch what I ate. I actually put on an extra five to ten pounds. Luckily, on my tiny little frame, it was not a bad thing. Many people told me the weight looked good on me. I tried not to let the fact that my pants wouldn’t zip shut bother me. I was actually fine with that. It gave me a chance to buy new clothes.

Since coming off tour, I have dropped that extra weight. It wasn’t intentional. It just seems that with my non tour lifestyle, I don’t seem to put weight on. Or keep it on. I don’t eat a ton of food. It doesn’t take much to fill me up. Now, when I am hungry, I can put some food away. Some people have watched how much I can eat in amazement. I don’t put the food away on a daily basis, but rest assured that I am a healthy eater.

The thing that has come up in recent months is the fact that some people seem to be obsessed with the fact that I am skinny. I can handle a simple compliment, like, “You are looking beautiful” or something to that effect. But they are never complimentary. It’s always some snide remark. And they think they’re being funny. They just never realize I’m not laughing.

Here’s an example. I arrived at work a couple weeks ago. I was wearing a blouse that was tight fitting around the waist. I went to clock in, and one of my co- workers came out of her office, looked at my waist area and declared, “Look at that skinny little waist!” Some other co-workers agreed and they all laughed, and I gave some weak little smile as I pushed through their sarcasm and fumed my way to my office.

There have been many comments like this. I have heard many of my residents whisper as I walk past, “Look how small she is. She’s so skinny! I think I was that skinny when I was five!” They don’t seem to realize that MY hearing is not as bad as THEIRS.

The problem with these comments is that they are rude. They are not meant to be compliments. In my head, they translate to: “You are skinny. I am not. Therefore I hate you.” It doesn’t do good things for me. It is not my fault that you are not at the weight that you’d like to be. Please don’t take it out on me. I am skinny and I like that. I don’t want to be fat. Please don’t hate me for it.

Another thing that has bugged me immensely about this lately is that I have been struggling with some sort of hypoglycemic tendencies. In the past year or so, I have had some odd “episodes” where I have felt a bit shaky and “off kilter.” Before anyone panics, I mentioned this to my doctor at my physical this past year and did all the blood tests. Everything came back normal. She informed me that watching what I was eating would help with those “off kilter” moments. I am doing my best to watch what I eat and I am trying to keep it balanced. Some days I feel like my being so skinny is not so helpful with this. I have had several days where I have barely been able to get any food down. Nothing has seemed appetizing. I know that I need to eat, but some days it takes all my efforts to eat. I am actually trying to put a few extra pounds on, and it has proven difficult. I know that some people are rolling their eyes as they read that, but please realize this is a big struggle for me. Just as it’s frustrating for you to have to beat that chocolate cake craving, it’s hard for me some days to pick up that food and put the weight on. Fat people aren’t the only ones with weight struggles.

I had another comment from an unthinking coworker yesterday. He looked at me and said, “You aren’t trying to lose weight are you?” It sounded accusatory. Now, I understand if it’s a close friend that is concerned for my health. They have gained my trust and are allowed to hold me accountable. But if you have no credibility with me, don’t say anything. I may have lost a pound since I began working at my current job, but not enough to warrant a comment like that.

I suppose what I’m asking is to be sensitive to skinny people. I mean, we don’t walk around and comment, “Wow, you have the biggest waistline! I can’t imagine being that fat!” It’s considered RUDE to tell someone they are overweight. Why can’t the same consideration be extended to us small people???

And if someone has any good comebacks I could use to shut people up when comments like this come my way, I could probably use them.

4th of July

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

This weekend was a fun 4th of July weekend. We spent the weekend at a friend’s house, lounging by the pool, setting off fireworks, and eating too much. I spent some time taking pictures of the crazy teenagers on the slip and slide and crazy teenagers (and adults) doing backflips and other daredevil tactics off the diving board. I set my camera on the sport setting, so I could rapid-fire shots. With this setting, I can capture almost every second of each crazy maneuver.

At the end of the weekend, Drew set up his camera to the TV so we could all share in the recent memories together. We all laughed together at the moments that were captured, especially the in mid air moments.

Everyone began using the pictures to critique their form and figure out what they were doing wrong in their approach to each dive, flip and bellyflop.

Drew was trying to perfect a flip throughout most of the weekend, but could never quite master it. He’d land on his back, with a large tidal wave sweeping most of the water out of the pool.

There were some particular shots that seemed to defy gravity.

No wonder we’re all so exhausted at the end of this weekend.

Redneck Date

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

This past weekend, Drew and I had a date. We started out with a cup of coffee and some journaling, then a quick trip to the library to get some library cards (neither of us had one, and Drew wanted it to be able to access the library’s internet database at home or something.) Then came the fun part of the date. We were off to Pick-n-Pull, a self serve junk yard. I had never been to a junkyard before, and was brimming with curiosity.

Drew had some car parts he was looking for. He’s been trying to fix something on his car, and we also have a dead car sitting in our front yard that’s just waiting to be fixed up. We arrived at the Pick-n-Pull and walked up to the counter to talk with the grease covered man behind the counter. Drew told him make and model for the parts we were looking for, and he looked it up in the computer. He found what we were looking for and gave us a map and a printout of his findings. “Row 132,” (or somewhere abouts there) he announced and then asked for our $2 entry fee. We even had to sign in. And get our hand stamped. I felt like I was at an amusement park.

Then we finally walked through the doors, out into the sunshine and saw row after row of cars. Dead cars. Up on blocks, long forgotten and left to rust. We watched part of the movie Cars later that weekend, and it’s good that I didn’t see it before walking through those doors. I might have shed a tear for those poor vehicles.

We walked through row after row of beaten, crushed and dented clunkers. We found the red Ford Escape we were looking for. Drew was looking for a part in the rear hatch. This Escape had the back end completely crunched in. Drew said, “Well, that’s not gonna work.” We walked around it, taking it all in, and fishing out a cargo net that we thought might be of use. Drew peeked in the passenger side window and found a plastic trash can filled with beer cans. Laughing, he commented, “I wonder if that has anything to do with why this car looks this way.”

Realizing there was no way to get the part we needed out of that heap, we kept walking and found car #2. This was a bit more productive. We were looking for a right front turn signal, and this car had one intact. Drew pulled out his tool kit, found a screwdriver, and pulled that thing out. They weren’t kidding about the whole pick-n-pull thing.

While he was working on pulling that thing out, I walked down the row of abandoned vehicles. It was kind of sad, and made me wonder about what they might have been like in their prime. It also made me think of my first car and how it had been totaled and towed off to a junkyard. I wanted to run back inside and ask them if they had any ’89 blue Ford Tempos. If they asked what part I needed, I’d reply, “Oh, I’m just visiting.”

We wrapped up our visit and walked back inside. Of course you don’t just get to walk out with the junk er, I mean treasures you just found. They charged us a bit more than I expected for the signal, but they did let us take the cargo net for free. Woo hoo! Then we got in trouble cause they saw the camera that we had taken in. Apparently we weren’t allowed to take pictures. Oops.

After we pulled out of the Pick-n-Pull, we decided to drop by the Flea Market, cause it was close and we figured we should continue our redneck date. Drew got a Bud Light and two soft pretzels and we strolled together amongst the trinkets and trifles. The only things we bought were some baby bananas. (They remind me of Uganda, and I always get real excited when I see them.) Drew stopped and checked computer parts and started to get that glimmer in his eyes a couple of times, but luckily we made it out without anything that would clutter our house further.  He got extremely excited about the mini keyboard that had a dj record scratcher thing. It was something he always wanted as a kid, and he was quite tempted to get it.

With that, we ended our date, and headed home, only to discover that the turn signal was too big for our junker of a car. Drew said they’ll exchange, so it looks like we’ve got another redneck date in our future.